Saturday, May 24, 2008

She came and I cried

I got my period last night. There was no warning spotting just all of a sudden, she was here. Dan and I were installing a new range hood in our kitchen when I realized. I excused myself and after I didn't come back for 30 minutes, he came to find me. I tried so hard not to, I really did, but I just started crying. Not like a sweet, quiet crying either. I cried so hard that my body hurt.

When I was done, Dan and I sat and talked and prayed together. I feel better in some weird way, like the crying was a release of emotions that I have been holding in. But in the back of my head, the words "One year" keep flashing in my mind. One year of trying. One year of hoping. One year of planning. One year of being disappointed. Do we have the courage to go another year or more? I then thought if this quote:

"This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends." -Euripides


By unflinchingly (which is an awkward word but hey, the guy was old and Greek, give him a break,haha) I think he means without wavering in your faith and in your trust. So this is my goal. To be courageous and continue to fight this battle of TTC. Its not easy, but Im going to do it.

11 comments:

Nichole1121 said...

OH Shannon, I am soo sorry! I wish I was there to give you a big hug!! I am sorry you have to go through this, it isn't fair!
((HUGS))

MrsDutchie said...

Oh Shannon Im so so so sorry. Reading your blog brought tears to my eyes. I honestly cannont imagine how hard this is for you. I'm sending all my hugs your way.

Kristin (kekis) said...

I'm sorry . . . She is an evil visitor that we just want to stay away. Your faith is amazing, and God will hear your prayers and cries. He has incredible plans for all of us, but it's hard when his timing is so different from ours. Stay strong - your time will come.

♥RedRose101307♥ said...

i'm sorry shan!
((hugs))

egreenbe said...

I'm so sorry Shannon. ((HUGS))

jbwife said...

I'm so sorry. I pray that it happens for you soon and I pray He comforts you both. This is such a journey and your faith shines through, even when you're hurting. Big hugs to you!!

Stephanie said...

Shannon I'm so sorry. :( ((HUGS)) For me crying does seem to help me feel better. It seems to build and build and then once I finally let it all out I do feel more at ease. I'm sorry you had to hit the 1 year mark..we hit that mark too this month. Just a few days after we lost our baby. Sometimes I really don't know if I have the strength to keep going...but I know those moments will become fewer and I'll feel strong again and ready to move forward in this journey. Hang in there. This sucks, but I just keep believing that someday all of us with have our healthy pregnanices and healthy babies.

Lindsey said...

Oh Shannon. I am so sorry. I can't believe she showed up, I really thought this was your cycle. You are so strong, but I hope you know it's ok to cry and grieve. Dan sounds like a wonderful and caring support system, but if you need more, I'm always here. I'm so sorry hun.

Goosesgirl said...

I'm so sorry Shannon. I was so hoping this one was the golden ticket. **((HUGS))** I really hope that you find the comfort you need right now. You deserve this more than anyone I know.

lovealways6565 said...

Im sorry Shannon! Keep your chin up! I heart you chicka! ((BIG HUGS))

Ro said...

Oh, Shan. I'm so sorry.
((hugs to you))

-Wed