Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Dammit all to hell

I freaking kid you not, this is my life. I walk into CVS to buy a HPT. Im standing in a line thats like 10 people long because apparently they only have one person in the whole damn store working (I promise, I will get to my point soon) and I get some intense period-like cramps. And they continue. And then I feel what I think is my period. I swear, in the matter of the time it takes me to drive to the store, find the HPT and stand in line, I have started spotting/light flow. Which means tomorrow AM, my temp will drop and I will wake up to a full fledge flow. And I will look at a stupid HPT that I cant even use. Because my period will be here.

Cycle 16 (which I think is what Im on now, I have lost all count) sounds like a stupid cycle number and I already despise it. I know I will eventually find my faith, strength and all that happy crap again soon, but right now I am so pissed. I am so damn fed up. I hate TTC. I hate watching people around me struggle with TTC. I hate hearing stories about people that try for years and havent been blessed with a baby. This process can kiss my ass. Im sick of it.

17 comments:

Niki said...

SOB! i am so angry for you! that AF is here/coming.. and that life thought it'd be funny to mess with you waiting in line with hpt in hand...
LOL @ "happy crap" tho :o) but i know exactly what you mean - it's a process - anger, then sadness &/or depression, followed by anticipation of O, then hope and faith sneaks back in there for the 2ww.. this BETTER be the last time you have to go through this process!! i hate to see this happen...
feel free to email a vent if you need to - i'm not offended by curse words ;o)

gringa78 said...

I'm so sorry, Shan. Goddamit, WTF?!

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but I know there isn't. I'm sending you a big hug and a whole shitload of hope for the next few months...I believe that you will get your BFP....each month that goes by brings you closer to that moment.

Mary said...

Sh*t f*ck damn. I'm sorry Shannon. This whole process is so incredibly unfair.

I really wish there was something I could do to make it better for you. But, since you are so far away for now I'll have to give you virtual hugs. ((Hugs))

I'm here for you.

Angela said...

oh no. :(

I am really, really sorry girl. It isn't fair at all.

Egreenbe said...

Oh no honey. This sucks. I know that I can't make this better for you but know that you have my love, support, and prayers.

Kristin (kekis) said...

Well shit. I would dammit all to hell too. I'm sorry . . . time has a sick irony all its own.

osuraj said...

I'm sitting here cussing for you! There's nothing quite like going through IF to test you repeatedly. Hope you start feeling better soon.

Danse said...

I'm so sorry, that really, truly sucks.

lovealways6565 said...

I'm sorry Shannon. Just keep your strength in God and he will guide you.. you know that! I wish I could do something.. :( You are always in my thoughts!

Kristi said...

Ugh, I'm right there with you Shannon...we're also just ending Cycle 16 now with what I'm sure will NOT be a pregnancy!! I had such high hopes for this month, being it will be our last before we see the RE. My temps are unusually high, I have all the phantom symptoms and yet still managed to get a -HPT this morning! I'm so frustrated I could just cry!

I'll be praying for both our sanity's and that soon it WILL be our month!!

Danielvalentine said...

I am so sorry. There are no words to say. I just hope you feel better soon. This is all sooo frustrating and stupid; this TTC stuff. You try to do everything right and you wonder what the heck happened.

Sarah said...

For fuck's sake Shannon, I'm so sorry! It's just not fair. I think 16 is a stupid number as well, but it will be your lucky number!

Sniff

Audrey said...

I wish you didn't have to go through all this Shan. It's a crock and it sucks.

♥RedRose101307♥ said...

ugh i am so sorry shan!
(((Hugs)))

Silvina said...

I'm SO sorry Shannon. I know there probably aren't words that I could say to make you feel better, but I do know that deep down inside your an extremely strong person. I'll be thinking of you hon.

♥ HisLovf ♥ said...

Sorry Shan :(

We can most certainly be cycle buddies. THIS NEXT ONE WILL BE IT FOR US!

Carly said...

fecking AF- i am so sorry shannon, i wish wish wish i could be your fairy godmother and tap your head and make you knocked up- it is just so not fair. We are all here for you and hugging you through the screen
love you babe