Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Except for the past two nights. I have dreamt of my Grandma Lea. She passed away 2/1/07 and was the first grandparent I lost. It broke my heart and her death created a huge hole in my small and very close family. We have moved on but things are different and we all feel like something is missing.
The dreams I had were so vivid. In the one, we were sitting in chairs looking into her backyard and her hand was on my hand. We talked about the economy, the election and my grandpa. (p.s. she loved to talk about politics, loved it) She kept telling me it would all be ok and the whole time she had her hand on my hand. The second dream was in her kitchen and she told me she was going to die but this time she wanted to say good bye. And we sat there and hugged one another and cried. I woke up and was crying.
I dont know why I would have these dreams now. I havent had any since she has passed. But when I got up this AM, I opened up my photo album to see a picture of her, Dan and I from my wedding. And I think maybe she came to me in my dream to give me some comfort and tell me that it is going to be ok. All of it. That makes me feel better.
Here is my grandma and grandpa in Hilton Head a couple years before she passed:
And this is my grandparents on their honeymoon:
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Work has slowed down. I dont think I have to go on "storm duty" to another region so thats good. The worst case scenario is a trip to Columbus or Cincinnati, but those are both not too far from Cleveland.
My period came and went. I will begin temping again tomorrow. I was alot more angry at the end of last cycle. Most times, I have been sad but there was something about this cycle that really made me mad. I guess its a combination of anger, despair, frustration and just being exhausted. Because I am just physically and mentally exhausted. But I have been praying a lot about it and am continuing to pull strength. And of course I have hope for this cycle. I hope this is it for Dan and I. I guess we'll see in 25 days!
In other new, Dan and I are taking this awesome class at church. Its based on the book "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs. Today was the 4th class (we go once a week, before the church service) and I have to tell you, its making a difference in our marriage. When I have more time, I will do an entry on the entire book but for now, Im recommending it to anyone who wants to improve their marriage.
I hope everyone has a wonderful week!
"I believe that I shall see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage; be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord." Psalms 27:13-14
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I freaking locked my keys in the car. At a gas station. At the pump. At 6 AM. There is really nothing more to the story that that. In short, I am a moron and had to wait for the police (like they have nothing better to do) come and unlock my car. For the love of pete. Luckily, I was able to make up any lost time and wasnt even really late to any of my appointments so that was good.
I also want to thank everyone for all of their kind words in my other blog entry. I feel like I say this every month but I simply cannot thank everyone enough for their kindness and support. I feel your love and its that love that encourages me to go on. So thank you for the bottom of my heart!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Cycle 16 (which I think is what Im on now, I have lost all count) sounds like a stupid cycle number and I already despise it. I know I will eventually find my faith, strength and all that happy crap again soon, but right now I am so pissed. I am so damn fed up. I hate TTC. I hate watching people around me struggle with TTC. I hate hearing stories about people that try for years and havent been blessed with a baby. This process can kiss my ass. Im sick of it.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Dan and I
My sister Kristin and I
My BIL Paul, Kristin, me, Dan
On the TTC front, I dont know whats going on. I am 12 DPO today. My temps dipped yesterday and I had some cramping so I thought it was over but they are back up today. I did have 2 glasses of wine last night so that might have caused them to go back up. So we will see how the next few days go, I plan to test on Wednesday at 15 DPO.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Dear contractors or male insureds,
I know it must be different for you to have a woman insurance adjuster who oftentimes knows more about construction than you do, but could you please treat me with a bit of respect when I am out at your home. Dont describe a roof vent as "a little box that would look like a present under a christmas tree" You can use big words with me, its my job to know what they are. I am a 30 year old woman with an MBA and write more estimates than any of the other adjusters in my entire company. Not really an idiot.
Also, my name is Shannon. Its not sweetie, hun, baby, doll or missy. You wouldnt call a male adjuster those names so dont use them with me.
Finally, dont stare at my ass or boobs. When I bend over to measure and turn around to find your face glued to my butt, it freaks me out. And Im wearing a polo, for gods sake, not a "boob shirt" so please quit staring at the small bit of my neck that is exposed. If I have to button it up to my neck, I will, so help me.
A disgruntled insurance adjuster
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
The Bad is: I will be working looooong hours (12-14 per day) for the next week or two weeks. It gets pretty tiring after awhile
The Good is: We get paid extra for working the hours. Not that money gives me back my time, sleep and sanity but its a decent trade off.
So I will be MIA for awhile but I will try to check in when Im not on a roof, looking at blown off siding or writing an estimate.
On TTC front, I am 7 DPO and still temping. Geez, Im a a creature of habit. I have tried not to temp but I just cant do it. I will test on Wednesday of next week and since I will be so busy with work, I think it will come quickly!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
It's like the best days under the sun
Every emotion rolled into one
A little of this, A little of that
Kinda happy, Kinda sad
I feel like that alot. I feel like I have so much to live for and to be happy about. But there is still part of me thats sad. Sometimes that part is big and sometimes its small but its always there.
Here is the video:
Jason Aldean - Laughed Until We Cried - One Source Talent
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
I finished Breaking Dawn today. I tried to make it last as long as I could and considering I started it on Friday, I think I did pretty good. I wont comment on it as I dont want to spoil it for those still reading it but I have to admit, Im sad. Not about how the book ended but just because its over. *sigh*
Dont they say when one obssession ends, a new one begins? (or something like that, lol) Well I think its pretty clear that my new obsession will be this 2 WW. My OPKs (which are my new BFF) and my temps have both indicated ovulation yesterday so now its onto the waiting. And the analyzing. And the obsessing. I dont care how many times I've been through this, I still obsess. But Im also hopeful.
So its onto the 2 WW. And since Im being hopeful, I will end with this:
Monday, September 8, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Its been hard at times to be optimistic about TTC, but Im continuing to work on that. Im not saying that being optimistic will get me pregnant but I do know that, for me, optimism coupled with faith is the only way Im going to continue to get through this.
So here are some of the good things that have come out of TTC:
1. Dan and I have grown incredibly close. I always thought we had a good marriage before TTC but when I look back on this past year, I see such an amazing growth in our marriage.
2. I have met amazing new people via The Nest. Some of the girls on there have saved me, supported me and cared for me when I thought I couldn't go on. The friendships we have formed are strong and I am so thankful for them.
3. I have been given opportunities to teach people what I know about TTC. I am now a resource for alot of my friends, co-workers, etc when it comes to TTC. I spent alot of time learning about the process when we first started and over the past 15 months, learning more and more has become therepeutic for me. The good thing is that I am able to share that knowledge with those who want it and, in turn, help them.
4. Dan and I have had all this time to continue saving money so that I can be a SAHM when and if I want to. We are very committed to this and our savings is truly reflecting this.
5. My devotion to God has evolved into a loyal and patient faith. I trust that He will provide for us and that He will take care of us. I trust that He has a plan for us. I believe that His plan includes me being a mom. And I am willinge to continue being faithful and paitent. Because I know it will be worth it.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Me and Jess before the ceremony
Alicia, Holly, me and Sara at the head table
We also celebrated Dan's Aunt Bette and Uncle John's 45th Wedding Anniversary yesterday. It was so awesome to be able to rejoice in a marriage that has lasted so long. Especially since things havent been so easy for them lately. In short, Aunt Bette had a massive stroke while on a mission trip in Thailand at the begining of the year. She wasnt expected to live but she did. And although she still is unable to speak, she has full ability to walk, use her left hand and she comprehends everything going on around her. So although she hasnt full recovered, God has really blessed her with family, friends and the support that she needs to live this adjusted lifestyle.
Im off work this entire week and am looking forward to that. Also, I should be ovulating this week, which is always exciting. And then its onto a new 2 WW, woohoo!
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true
Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me