Friday, February 27, 2009

Irritation and 101

I could not even bear to blog yesterday because I was so darn irritated. Some of you have already heard this story so bless your hearts for reading it again but here goes...

In short, I had to request and pick up my medical records from my old RE. Honestly, I thought doctors just sent medical records but whatever, I didnt have a problem doing it. So I called awhile ago to request my b/w, u/s, HSG and Dan's SA results. The nurse finally calls me yesterday to come pick the records up. I go to the office and she hands me an envelope. Like a regular old envelope with 4 stinkin' pieces of paper in it. Inside are Dan's SA results and my b/w results but nothing with the HSG or u/s. I ask the nurse and she tells me "Oh, that was done in radiology, you have to go there for those records" Um, really? Thanks for letting me know that NOW, weeks later. Since I had to work, I didnt have time to go to radiology so now I am working on that.

Then, I am walking to my car and I look through the little papework I did have and see that my old RE circles "abnormal" for Dan's SA. Whaaaa? As I look at the paper, apparently his sperm count is lower. Not low, but lower. And his note is "Patient will probably be able to conceive but if over one year, would recommend repeat SA to make sure sperm count is not an issue" Again, whaaaaa? This was never EVER mentioned to us and I never received (my fault for not asking, of course) the actual numbers on the SA. I did review the numbers and it would appear that Dan's sperm count should not be an issue but it still bothers me because, well, we DONT have a freakin' answer on why I am not pregnant yet and any little info helps.

So in short, I despise my old RE and am super irriated. And even worse, I now have to wait for the HSG and U/S records and I dont know how long it will take, even those I asked them to put a rush on it. (rush? I guess that will bring my wait time to two weeks) Since I dont have this info, my new RE wont schedule my IUI and I am running out of time to start IUI next cycle. I have already accepted the fact that it might not happen next cycle, just so I can prepare myself and not get too stressed.

Tons of fun, right? :)

In 101 news, I have changed my list a bit. Its my list, so I guess its ok to change it, right? I changed "Take a Yoga class" to "Take a Zumba class" because I really want to take one (right, Amy!?!) I have also removed "Volunteer at a Foodbank" because I actually have done this before and it was a great experience but I wanted to do something different. I am going to be doing a "Cause of the Month" which I will post to the left. These are caused I have researched and believe in and aside from supporting them with my words, I am going to be supporting each one of them financially. Im pretty excited about it!

Ok, thats alot of info. Thank you to anyone who is still following. I hope ya'll have a great weekend!

And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here

Monday, February 23, 2009

Awesome feeling and my 101 list

My awesome feeling has to do with my 101 list. This weekend, Dan and I were talking about going white water rafting. Its something I've always wanted to do, its on my list and well, it sounds like tons of fun so Id really like to go. Anyways, we did alot of research and picked a place:

Not only did we pick a place BUT we also booked our trip in May. I cant wait! And, I also booked a rappelling thing, too. I dont know if Dan will do it because he looked a bit green when I mentioned scaling down a mountain, but I totally want to do it. I think that will also qualify for another item on my list- Climb a mountain. Climb or shimmy down a mountain, same thing, right?! :)

The awesome feeling came when I booked the trip WITHOUT thinking about being pregnant or not. I didnt even care. If I am pregnant then and we cancel, so be it. But I didnt let the whole idea of "will I be or wont I be" play a factor in my decision. It felt amazing!

In other 101 news- I donated another large bag of items this weekend. More clothes, household items, curtains, etc. Im also continuing with the food blog, my journal and reading the bible.

In TTC news, my traveling for this month got canceled due to heavy claims volume but its too late for the medicated IUI and I really want to do it medicated. So this cycle will just a regular cycle. I am on CD 9 and have awhile until I O so thats about all with that.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and enjoys their week!

I find myself just living for today
'Cause I don't know what
Tomorrow's gonna bring
So no matter if I rise or fall
I'll never be alone, oh no

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Making a dream come true

I received an email from my friend Christina today. She wanted to share the blog of her friend, who has struggled for awhile with IF. Her friend Rachel and her husband are adopting a baby from South Korea and are coming up with creative ways to raise the $30,000 (gasp) required to bring their baby home.

As I read her blog, I was completely moved by the way that God has worked to bring this baby to them. So if you have a chance, read her story. Say a prayer for Rachel, Josh and their baby. And if you can, give to them. Everyone deserves to be a mother, I can only imagine that its the greatest gift on this Earth.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Just a bad day

I have been doing good lately with keeping in good spirits about TTC. Or maybe I have just been in denial. Either way, I've been feeling positive and not down. Today, however, was not a good day.

It started yesterday with a pregnancy announcement. Someone told me they were pregnant and the news in itself was fine. Thats like the millionth person that has gotten pregnant before me so you get kinda used to it after awhile. It was what she said that hurt. She said "I knowwww, can you believe it? Im pregnant agaaaaiin...and arent you're still trying for your first?" Of course, in true Shannon style, I smiled and congratulated her without missing a beat but I wont lie, it stung. Im sure she didnt mean to be mean.. its a fact. I am still trying for my first. But geez, cant people learn tact?

Then this morning, I stopped to get a juice and bagel from Panera. As I was standing in line, there was a woman with a baby in front of me and the woman was holding the baby so it was facing me. It started off innocently enough. I smiled and cooed at the baby and she gurgled a "hello" back. But then she reached out her sweet little arms to me and and I swear to you, this feeling of emptiness, sadness and just plain despair overtook me. I could barely catch my breath and I literally sprinted out of the store. I got to my car and just lost it.

I dont think I have cried that hard in a really long time. I just feel so damn sad. Im sick of talking about TTC. I am sick of thinking about it. I know that the IUI is coming up and I should be looking forward to it but I have to admit that a huge part of me is scared.

I will be ok. I guess I just need to get this all out and remember that tomorrow is a new day. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Cycle 20 something, I lost count

I woke up to my period this AM. I was all ready to test because I had taken my temp, it was above 98 and I am 15 DPO. And then as I was opening the HPT, I saw that there was no need to, gotta love that.

I used to be so sad when I would start a new cycle. Now I dont even know which cycle I am on. I feel like I have lost all interest in actively TTC. Is it because I know I have the IUI next cycle? Maybe, I dont know. All I know is that this process is exhausting and I am tired of being tired.

Oh well, I just have to get through this next cycle and then I will be onto IUI. I just counted days this morning- if I O around CD 20 this cycle like usual, my IUI would be at the end of March or maybe the beginning of April. Either way, Im excited- thats so soon!

Hope everyone has a great day. I am working, did I ever mention how much I looooovvvvee being an insurance adjuster?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

Just wanted to wish everyone a great day! Dan and I are headed to Lord of the Dance today and then we are making homemade pizza and playing some board games, should be a fun day.

In 101 news, I completed one item and I am working on another. This morning, I gave Dan a list of things that I love about him. I could tell he liked to read the funny things (like that I love that HE loves the Office as much as I do) and the serious things (that I know he will be an wonderful Dad) I dont think Im going to stop at this one list. I want to continue to remind him how much I love him and why.

I am also in the process of starting a big item on my 101 list. Learning to say "Im sorry" without making excuses. For me, this is something that I need to do. I need to accept my responsibility in things that happen and not defer any part of my responsibility to the other person. And I want to experience the emotional freedom that comes with offering an apology with "no strings attached." This is going to be a long journey but I am ready to start. I have bought the book "The Five Languages of Apology" I have read a few other books by these authors and have enjoyed them. I am also looking for bible verses that might help me in my journey.

These are the moments, I thank God that Im alive.
These are the moments, I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not as for more

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I am boring and a suggestion

I have realized that since Im not really talking about TTC that much (I mean seriously, until I get to the IUI, its just getting pretty repetitive) I dont have much to blog about. Lame? I think so. It doesnt help that I am super busy with work and preparing to head to Atlanta and Cincinnati for work next week. Although traveling will be a welcome change from writing estimates for snow and ice damage so I will take it!

Oh, here is one exciting thing- Dan is taking me to Lord of the Dance on Valentine's Day. I am so excited, I love that kinda stuff!

Finally, any suggestions on work out videos? I have been doing really good running on the treadmill but am looking for something to supplement my workout. I have Pilates and used to do Tae-bo back in the day but I am looking for something else. Any suggestions are welcome!

Happiness is never stopping to think if you are. Palmer Sondreal

Saturday, February 7, 2009

101 updates and TTC

I cant believe its been almost a week since my last blog entry but this week was just plain dreadful at work. With the record snow falls we have had in Cleveland, we have gotten in SO many claims for ice and snow damage. As a result, I worked super long hours last week and didnt have time to do much else.

In 101 news, I got 2 big things done this week. First, the contractor completed the opening up of our living room/family room wall. So now, instead of two separate rooms (one that we barely use because there is no TV, fireplace, etc) we have a good flow between the two of them and are using both. Here is a before picture:

This is our living room. You can see the family room/dining room area on the right but basically before, this room was separate and not very "user-friendly"

This is the view after. There is now a 9 foot opening, connecting both rooms. We are already re-arranging our furniture so we can best use both spaces and plan to paint and re-hang decorations soon.

Another thing I did was get my hair cut and highlighted. My hair was getting WAY too long but now its shorter with a more natural color and I love it. Im still trying to figure out the bangs because they are cut to go across my whole forehad but in the picture, I pushed them to the side. Tomorrow, Im going to try to wear them the "right" way.

So thats whats been going on with me. In TTC news, I am guessing that I am around 7 DPO because I think I O'd on Saturday, based on O pains. If I am 7 DPO, my period is due on Saturday so we will see how that goes!

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Awesome weekend

I had an wonderful weekend. Probably the best weekend that I've had in a long, long time.

Yesterday, we went to Dan's parents house for dinner. I figured they wanted to celebrate my birthday with a cake. Well it turns out, that my entire family and Dan's entire family ended up showing up to throw me a surprise party. It was so fun, there were 17 people there and it was amazing to have both of our families together. I was truly surprised and I thank Dan and everyone for making my birthday (a few days early) super special!

The group:

Me, cutting my cake:

Today, my mom and I went shopping for my birthday. In lieu of the customary money gift, she wanted to help me complete some items on my 101 list. Thats one of the things I love about my mom- her support of the things I want to do. So today, we went to the mall and I got my make up done. The lady who did it was great and answered all my questions about eye make up and what brushes to use. My mom then bought me 3 eye shadows, a lipgloss, a mascara and a eyeliner. I dont think I've ever had so much nice make-up in my life! After that, we went to a department store and I got fitted for a bra. It sounds like such a simple thing but I have known for awhile that my bras dont fit- the straps are always falling down and they just dont fit good. As suspected, I was not wearing the right size so after figuring out my correct size, my mom then bought me two beautiful (and I assure you, these bras are beautiful) bras. I cant wait to wear one tomorrow, I know I will feel like a new woman!

I hope everyone else had a great weekend, too!