Thursday, February 19, 2009

Just a bad day

I have been doing good lately with keeping in good spirits about TTC. Or maybe I have just been in denial. Either way, I've been feeling positive and not down. Today, however, was not a good day.

It started yesterday with a pregnancy announcement. Someone told me they were pregnant and the news in itself was fine. Thats like the millionth person that has gotten pregnant before me so you get kinda used to it after awhile. It was what she said that hurt. She said "I knowwww, can you believe it? Im pregnant agaaaaiin...and arent you're still trying for your first?" Of course, in true Shannon style, I smiled and congratulated her without missing a beat but I wont lie, it stung. Im sure she didnt mean to be mean.. its a fact. I am still trying for my first. But geez, cant people learn tact?

Then this morning, I stopped to get a juice and bagel from Panera. As I was standing in line, there was a woman with a baby in front of me and the woman was holding the baby so it was facing me. It started off innocently enough. I smiled and cooed at the baby and she gurgled a "hello" back. But then she reached out her sweet little arms to me and and I swear to you, this feeling of emptiness, sadness and just plain despair overtook me. I could barely catch my breath and I literally sprinted out of the store. I got to my car and just lost it.

I dont think I have cried that hard in a really long time. I just feel so damn sad. Im sick of talking about TTC. I am sick of thinking about it. I know that the IUI is coming up and I should be looking forward to it but I have to admit that a huge part of me is scared.

I will be ok. I guess I just need to get this all out and remember that tomorrow is a new day. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.

34 comments:

Danse said...

I'm so sorry, Shannon. That comment was just hurtful, whether that was the intention or not. ::hugs::

Nichole said...

Oh Shannon I am so sorry! I can't believe that girl said that to you! Who says stuff like that?? I wish I could give you a big hug! ((HUGS))

G & H said...

;( Aww thinking of you for sure ... i definitley know the f eeling and your friends comment was so insensitive ! praying for you bigtime! we are very similar in our cycle days I think you are a little ahead so we will stay positive :)

Grasso10 said...

Awww I'm so sorry you had a rough day! That was a ridiculous thing for your friend to say!!I'm thinking of you! :) One more day til the weekend!!! And isnt the Office on tonight?? <--even if it's a repeat!

Amy said...

I'm so, so sorry Shannon! That comment was incredibly insensitive. I hurt for you. ((HUGS))

PS- I'm saying an extra prayer for you tonight!

Mrs. Hammer said...

Cry it out, we all need a good one some times :( It was very tackless on her part. Those that have it so easy talk about it like a burden but it's no where near the burden that we carry.

If it makes you feel better I totally know how you feel. I spent the day in a clinic where three pregnant women came in complaining of getting 'knocked up' for the umpteenth time, ugh.

Lindsay said...

I'm so sorry. I hope tommorow is a better day. ::BIG HUGS::

E said...

Shannie, I wish I could come over and hug you right now. Allow yourself the time and space to be sad if that's what you need. Then allow me to kick your friend.

Melissa said...

Love Love Love to you, so sorry you're down. I'm here for you!

Scullyhoyy said...

((Hugs))

rls07 said...

I'm so sorry sweetie. I'll knock the girl over and we can kick her ok? What a hurtful comment. I wish I could come and give you a huge giant hug. (((Hugs)))

gringa78 said...

People are so fucking stupid. Seriously...who SAYS that??? Ugh. Shan, I hope you know that you are such a strong person, even if you don't feel like it right now...you ARE. You inspire me everyday...and I hope you realize that when you get your baby (and you WILL) you will be the most sensitive mother in the world...always careful and aware of other people's feelings.

Sorry, but I have to say fuck that pregnant girl and she can kiss my ass.

Love you.

Sarah said...

I want to beat that bitche's ass for you Shannie. I'm so sorry!

Sniff

Ro said...

Oh, Shan. I'm so, so sorry about what she said to you. I wish I could be there to give you a hug.

I'm praying for you, hon, and love you to pieces.

Bliss04 said...

i'm so sorry that all happened today. sometimes it just needs to be let out, we can't always be strong. i'm always thinking of you, and if i could i'd give you a huge hug!

Kerri said...

Shannon, Love. I am so sorry about that stupid girl that made her announcement. I seriously think people just don't get it. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time! I'm always here-anytime!
xoxo

Kristen said...

I'm so sorry Shannon! That was such an ignorant comment, and it's so hard not to let that stuff hit you like a ton of bricks. I'm praying for you.

♥ HisLovf ♥ said...

I'm sorry Shannie, I wish I could give you a great big hug right now. Tomorrow will be better!

Kaitlyn said...

My prayers are with you!

Shanny said...

So sorry you are having a tough time hun. ((hugs))
I can't imagine the pain you felt when you heard that comment, unfortunately most people don't realize what can be hurtful to others. And the baby reaching out her hands for you? I hope you can see it as a sign of your future. Cry all that you need to, its one of the best therapies in this infertile journey.

Shannon said...

Dammit, now I am crying again.

Thank you for all of the supportive comments. I felt better this morning but reading all of this really renewed me, thank you so much!

Silvina said...

Oh I'm SO sorry Shannon. I wish I could hug you!!! I can't believe that girl said that to you. It was so rude of her. Today is another day and I hope your feeling better this morning. ((HUGS))

♥RedRose101307♥ said...

oh shannon! i love you sweetie, you are such a strong person. that comment was very insenstive whether she meant it that way or not. ((Hugs))

Leannabanna said...

Oh Shannon, its too bad that people can't use a little tact when they talk - its just common sense not to say something like that. Good vibes and thoughts and prayers coming your way.

Kristi said...

Oh Shan, I'm so sorry....sorry for the insensitive comment your friend made and sorry that you're feeling so sad. The IF road is so hard to navigate sometimes. There are so many up's and down's, both physically and emotionally, and it just plain stinks! I understand exactly how you're feeling and you're not alone. All of us facing IF have felt the same things you're feeling right now. Even though we try so hard not to let it consume us, it inevitably does. I know you'll be okay, I know God is watching over you, and I know this too shall pass!

(((HUGS)))

K. Bauer said...

I don't think I could have held back from giving that friend an uncomfortable silence to think about what she said. That's awful.

Katie said...

Some people just don't get it, and probably never will. You're a better person than me - I would have put her in her place right then and there (though I talk tough - i would have been at a loss for words and probably not had a good comeback till the next day). So sorry you had a rough day, but I know it will get better!

Shannon said...

I'm so sorry Shannon. I can understand your pain, especially the part about seeing the baby. As much as I love children, part of me aches everytime I see one. :-(

((hugs))

Mrs.F said...

I can't believe somebody would have the nerve to say that... even if it wasn't meant to be hurtful! I'm so sorry girly. Just keep thinking about that IUI in the near future.

Kristin said...

Shannon,
I'm sure I will only echo what has already been said. I'm so sorry about the mean comment and your experience at Panera. Lot's of hugs your way. I have my days too. Just know that God has a plan for all of us, this is just part of His plan. It will only make us stronger, better, more faithfilled people!

Elisa said...

WOW - how can someone (a mother, no less) be so insensitive. i'm sorry her comment hurt you. if i could be there with you now and give you the biggest hug in the whole.wide.world. i would! MUAH! much love to you! (HUGS)

Bekah said...

Shannon I am so sorry sweetie. That was just plain tacky! I had a friend tell me yesterday that she is scared she may be pregnant again..and she just gave birth like 2 months ago, WTH? I feel your pain sweetie and yes...tomorrow is another day. Sending you hugs from the heart!

mtendere said...

Why don't people think before they speak? I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I know you'll be so much more empathetic and thoughtful when it is finally your turn. Hang in there.

Molly said...

((((hugs))))