Sunday, March 29, 2009

...and so I wait

Today is day 1 of Clomid and I am excited to get this party started! I am not looking forward to the variety of symptoms I had last time on Clomid but, who knows, that was a year ago so maybe this time will be better!

In church this morning, a woman gave me a poem that she had found by Russell Kelfer. I really liked it and wanted to share it with all of you:

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied,
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking; and this is my cry;
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair.
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd now know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that' beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly feel,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.

And though often My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still...Wait."

Friday, March 27, 2009

101 and stuff

Can I just say that I am so glad its Friday?! Im excited to think about having 2 days off of work to just relax and enjoy!

I havent updated my 101 list lately, so here is where Im at:

1. I completed "Use a moisturizer with sunscreen every day" I bought one back in January and once I started using it, I couldnt stop. Here is what I got:

I was always afraid to use moisturizer because, well, my face can get kinda greasy and I didnt want it to make my face worse but in all reality, its made it better. Im so happy I started using it and I feel great about protecting my face from the sun and wrinkles.

2. I am still working on "Apologizing without making excuses" This has been hard for me. I read a few books on the topic and have also been praying alot about it. The problem I am running into is that I can say "Sorry" and not make an excuse but then when the person I am apologizing to does not have the kind of response I want (i.e. Ohhhh, its ok Shannon, I love you, you're forgiven, etc.) then I find myself getting defensive. I need to learn that my apologies are not conditional. If Im sorry, Im sorry from the bottom of my heart, regardless if someone forgives me in the way I want to be forgiven. So yeah, still working on that.

2. We found a basement waterproofer so "Waterproof and carpet basement" is completely underway. The waterproofer will start the first week in May but then we will probably spend a good couple months cleaning, painting and making sure the basement is dry before we carpet it but we are still moving in the right direction.

In TTC news, I had my U/S today and am cyst free so I am off to pick up my Clomid. It looks like our IUI will be the week before Easter, maybe even the Saturday before. It all depends on my sweet ol' ovaries and when they decide to do their thing :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Its IUI time!

I woke up to a lovely surprise this morning and it wasn't a BFP. I swear, my body knows when I am going to test and decides to bring on my period at that exact moment. For the first time, however, I did not have any sadness. I am so full of hope right now, I feel like we are one step closer to our baby. I am very realistic. I know this might not work. I know it hasn't worked for many people. But I feel like its our chance to make this happen and I pray its our time!

My plan is to call the RE today and set up a CD 3 U/S. She wants to check me out before I start Clomid, which will be CD 5-9. If everything looks good on the U/S (no cysts) she will prescribe the Clomid. I will then go back for an U/S on CD 12 to check my follie size and hopefully trigger a few days after that. Very exciting!

Good luck to all my fellow bloggers who have also started our will be starting their IUI cycles. And continued prayers to everyone who is still walking in this IF journey, I think of you girls often!

The Gabe Dixon Band | All Will Be Well - More bloopers are a click away

That all will be well.
Even though sometimes this is hard to tell,
And the fight is just as frustrating as hell
All will be well.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Why I miss charting

Im a rather compulsive person and charting is good for someone like me. I liked tracking every little temperature, analyzing my CM and recording every sexual escapade, although Dan was mortified when he found out that people could see the days we had sex on. Anyways, I haven't really charted in a few months now. Sure, I will take a temp here and there to try to confirm O but overall, I've just given up on that aspect.

Its times like this, however, that I desperately miss it. I am sitting here at 16 DPO and have just realized I am probably not 16 DPO because, well, in all these months of charting my LP has always been 13-14 days. So whats a girl to do? Not much...except wait. Tomorrow will be CD 38 and my longest cycle to date has been 38 days so I guess if my period doesnt show up by Wednesday, I will test.

In other news, I am currently doing the 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels. I forget who recommended it when I asked for some work out videos but thank you to whoever did! I am only on day 3 and I wont lie- it is but in a good way! I highly recommend this video to anyone looking for a work out.

Hope everyone has a good week!

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Friday, March 20, 2009

Friday, March Madness and Twilight- Oh my!

I seriously think I am in heaven right now. Its Friday and in a few short hours, I can have dinner with my family and enjoy a nice glass of wine. I cant wait! Plus, I love watching the March Madness games and have alot of games that I am interested in...especially my grad school Alma Mater, Cleveland State. Come on' Vikings! Finally, Twilight comes out on DVD tomorrow and I was a bad, bad Twilight girl and never saw it in the theatre so I FINALLY get to see it tomorrow, Im so happy!

In 101 news, Dan and I completed a big item on my list- We increased our offering at church. This has been something that has been weighing on my heart lately. It first started when I came across this bible verse:

Proverbs 3:9-10
Honor the Lord with your wealth
and with the firstfruits of all your produce;
then your barns will be filled with plenty,
and your vats will be bursting with wine.

I never really thought of making an offering at church as a way of Honoring God but it is. He grants us everything we have and giving back to him is a way of showing appreciation and respect for what you have been given.

Also, our church means so much to me and Dan. I firmly believe that our church and faith has helped us grow into a God-loving couple and our marriage has truly benefited from it.

So we increased our offering and I am really excited to make the first offering on Sunday.

For those who are interested, here is a link to our church website, just so you can see where we go :

Other than that, not much else is going on. I am about 13 DPO today and, of course, no signs of my period. I am sure she will torment me by coming late, since I am ready to start the IUI!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

And it’s a brand new day
It’s a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know
I’ll be ok

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Im still alive

Its been a week so I just wanted to check in to say I am here, just super exhausted from work.

As an insurance adjuster, my job is 100% contingent on the weather. If a storm comes through, Im busy. If the weather is pretty tame, Im alot slower. Since we have had such a bad winter with ice, snow, wind and rain, its made my job crazy. I am literally working 10-12 hours a day with no time to eat or do anything else but work. Dont get me wrong- I am completely greatful for a job that is good paying and that I enjoy but I dont know, I just wish it would slow down so I could enjoy my life a bit!

No new info on the TTC front. I think I am around 7-8 DPO so if I am not pregnant, my period will come next weekend and it will be onto the IUI. I am excited!

I hope everyone has a great week! I know the weather here is nice and is supposed to stay nice for the entire week- I never thought Id be so excited to see 50 degree temps!

"And all the powers of darkness
Tremble at what they’ve just heard
‘Cause all the powers of darkness
Can’t drown out a single word"

Sunday, March 8, 2009

101 Updates

I finished some more items on my list:

Find a mentor- This was a work related goal and I put alot of thought into my mentor and then asked her on Friday. I am really excited and hope to learn alot from her

Bake bread from scratch- I am so glad I took the time to do this. First, its super easy. Second, it gave me a chance to use my Kitchenaid mixer which I love. Finally, I was able to expirement with other breads, once I got a "basic" one down. I even added my Herb and Cheese bread recipe to my food blog, it is really good.

I am still working on:

Saying I am sorry without making excuses- Eh, I have a feeling I might be working on this one for awhile. I have had a couple chances to practice but its still hard

Learn African and European Geography- These two are fun. I found a website with geography games and I have been going through the maps once a day. Its kinda cool!

In TTC news, I think I ovulated or am ovulating or might be ovulating soon...or something like that. I also have an appt at my RE's office next week so that they can discuss the IUI procedure, give me my prescriptions, show me around, etc. Im pretty excited about that!

Hope everyone has a good week!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The demise of Customer Service

This rant is not at all TTC related but I feel it must be said. What the h.e.l.l. is the problem with people not wanting to do THEIR JOBS anymore? In the past week, the following have happened to me:

1. Nurse at my RE's office- "Uh, thats like not my job to get your records from a department 3 doors down from our office. and you wanted me to actually TELL you that I didnt get the records for you? Dream on"

2. Worker at Home Depot- "I dont work in the lighting department. Im not sure who works there. I dont know how to find them. I GUESS I could find out who is able to help you" (and then he dissapears)

3. Bank Teller- "You want $100 in WHAT denominations? Thats alot of quarters and I dont have any more at my desk (it was 2 rolls of quarters that I asked for. Freakin' 2 rolls) Why do you need so many quarters anyways?" (the toll booth, if you must ask. And I will smack you)

4. Waitress at pizza place tonight- "Would you like cheese on your salad. Oh wait, I forgot the cheese grater in the back. Did you REALLY want cheese on your salad?" (That would be a YES. Now walk yourself 10 feet back into the kitchen and get the stinkin' grater)

Anyways, this irritates me to no end. I work with people all the time and I am constantly going out of my way to provide them with the information or service they need. I dont expect extraordinary service. At this point, I will take even mediocre service!

One more day until Friday, yay!

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Medical Records- Check!

I got a call from radiology today and nearly cried when the nurse told me the records were ready and I could pick them up. So I got them in my hot little hand right now and have an appt to drop them off at the RE's office tomorrow. The good news? I think Im getting everything done in time to start to the IUI next cycle. I wont be 100% relaxed about it until I have my meds but I am feeling better about it. Woohoo!

In other news, well, I got nothing. Its been an uneventful week at work, which is nice. I hope everyone is having a great week!

Monday, March 2, 2009

New Cause of the Month

I updated my blog with my new Cause of the Month, the cause is located on the right (not on the left like I mentioned below, I am directionally challenged)

I received an email on this month's cause from a friend, who was on a mission trip in the Dominican Republic. She told me that amongst some of the saddest things she saw, were the sight of children running through unimaginable things, all without shoes on. Shoes. Such a basic item that we take for granted. Heck, an item that many of us splurge on. And there are people out there that dont even have a basic pair. Makes me sad. So this is my newest cause, check it out!

The 50,000 Pairs in 50 Days Challenge

I also wanted to thank my readers (yet again) for being so supportive of me the other day. I dont ever take for granted the support and kind words that people so graciously extend to me and I need you each to know how much it means to me. I am constantly trying to be strong but its nice to know that when I find a weak moment and am brought down, you are all there to pick me up. Thank you!