Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I wish I would have known

I wanted to write this post because, I don't know, I think it would have helped me to know some of these things the first few months I became a mom. I know that I probably seem like I "have it all together" and sometimes I do. And sometimes I don't. So these are things I wish I would have known about becoming a mom:



1. There is a good chance you won't have that "Baby Story Moment" when you give birth. Come on ladies, you know what I mean. You are watching TLC and the woman gives birth and she is crying and the husband leans in and kisses his wife, all while you are bawling in front of your TV. Well, there is a good chance that you won't have that kind of moment after you give birth. Take me, for example. When I gave birth to Emma, I didn't get much time to enjoy her much less weep with joy because, well, I had some other business to take care of. And by the time I delivered Joshua? Hell, I was tired. When I held each of the babies, I did think they were the most beautiful babies I had ever seen but I was also thinking 'When in the world can I eat, I am starving!" Yep, thats what I was thinking. Looking back, I am disappointed that I didn't take one look at my child and burst into tears of joy but it is what it is.

2. Unless you already have kids, you will not know how to take care of this one at first. Now let me preface by saying that "yes, there are some aspects of motherhood that are instinctual" But not things like changing the first black poopy diaper, properly burping and protecting yourself from getting peed on. True story- the day after E&J were born, I went to change Josh's diaper and I saw "It." What was "It?" The black poop. I had read about it on the internet but I was not prepared to see it. Nor was I prepared to clean it up. I wiped and wiped and wiped but couldn't get him clean. And of course he was screaming, Dan was gagging and I was trying to keep everyone under control so that the nurse wouldn't come in and call CPS to take my kids away because I couldn't even change a diaper. 5 months later? I can change a diaper in my sleep (and Im pretty sure I have.) Lesson learned? You eventually figure stuff out.

3. No matter how helpful your husband is, things will never be 50/50. A friend told me that in the early days of bringing the babies home and it actually helped me a lot. Dan helps me a lot with E&J but in the end, he does not have the "mama bear" instinct that I have. I might sleep through a 60 mph windstorm but if Josh coughs in the other room? Im up. And if you breastfeed? This statement is very, very true. No matter how much he helps, you are still the milk-horse. There will be times at 3 AM when you are hanging out with your best friend, Medela, and he is sleeping. Get ready for it.

4. At some point, you will probably feel alone. At least I did. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the fact that it was winter and I was stuck in the house. Maybe its that I got used to people asking about me when I was pregnant and once the babies were here, everything was all about them (as it should be...but still) or maybe it was just the hormones, but I often felt very alone. Not sad-alone, just alone. I know that, for me, once I got into a schedule with the babies and began to feel more confident, these feelings went away but when I felt them, they were hard.

5. No matter how hard things seem, they do get better. I always try to remind myself that "this too shall pass" and the truth is that it does. In 5 short months, we've been through phases of screaming, endless spitting up, troubles sleeping, problems eating (ok, we still are going through this) but the phases do pass. Of course, then you are onto something else to struggle with but there is a sense of accomplishment. Because you survived a baby who seemingly spit up every ounce you just painstakingly fed her. And you now have the confidence to tackle whatever craziness your child has in store for you. This is just something I wanted to share with all of my mom friends and mom friends-to-be. Sometimes just knowing what to expect or knowing that what you feel is normal makes all the difference in the world.

15 comments:

Jessica said...

I love your honesty...thanks for sharing.

Kelly and Natalie said...

My goodness, they are cute! Well written, and oh so true. I agree with so much of it!

Just Believing said...

wonderful advice shannon! so much of that is true the 50/50 thing ( my hubby is great but it aint 50/50) and also the black poopy diaper LOL ;)

Danielle said...

So true! When I held Dillon for the first time after he was born, the first words out of my mouth were, "This is so weird." Not what I imagined my first words to my newborn to be.

NestEris said...

Great post. All very very true!

The Story of Us said...

Gosh, this post takes me back! Thank you for sharing your struggles - how soon we forget about these things once they pass. And like everything, it does pass.

Mrs. Williams said...

Good post! The truth is you can't prepare for some of the things motherhood brings and that's okay!!!

Jesse and Mandy Peterson said...

I tried really hard to be honest about the joys of parenthood and the struggles when I brought home my new baby boy. It wasn't easy, especially after infertility, because you think that you have no right to think that anything is less than perfect. I always kept in mind that it was all worth it, but that doesn't mean it was always easy. I think there's a common feeling that new moms can't share these fears/anxieties/dislikes without sounding ungrateful. I appreciate you being honest too.

Kismet21 said...

Its all very, very true. I had to laugh at the 50/50 post. Medela and I am breaking up soon. Hopefully, she does not take it too personally. I am sure, however, that 3am and I will be best friends for some time to come.

Jessica@The Southern Belle Baby said...

Thank you for this. Especially the 50/50 comment. I have never read something more true in my life!

Kat said...

I wish I would have known how everyone's advice or comments about your baby or your mothering would stress me out beyond belief! Or that many days I would forget to eat!
But, like you said, these phases all pass! I have to say that I admire moms of twins though. As a mother who has babies with terrible colic (one baby at a time, though!) I sometimes think of you moms of twins out there and say a little prayer for you all!

Lindsay said...

Great post.

The Lane Family said...

Shannon I LOVED these and what an AWESOME post!!! I can agree with so many of those and felt the same way.

The one about it will not be 50/50 is so true. I just don't think men have that "she bear" thing and we just are on things as fast as we can, must be a woman thing!!

I also liked the first one because "A BABY STORY" really does not show the truth of what really occurs and the emotions feelings etc.

You are an awesome writer and I lOVE your blog!!

Megan said...

SO TRUE! LOL I agree with every part. I too freaked out over the dreaded black poo. that and the first night when he wouldn't stop spitting up this stuff the night nurse called baby slime (any amniotic fluid they have left). And "this too shall pass" is my mantra too. LOL you did a good job putting it out there and still making it seem like a fun job!

Booyah's Momma said...

I wish I would have known all of this, too!

I laughed at #1. Food was also the first thing on my mind after I gave birth to our daughter; I can relate completely! When we had our son a few years later, I made my husband drive through Taco Bell on the way to the hospital because I knew how long it would be until I could eat again.

Great post!